Anyway...I don't even know where to begin. "At the beginning" comes to mind first, but, I don't even know where THAT beginning is. ...I guess I could just pick up where I left off, but even that seems incredibly and unnecessarily difficult to explain. ...geeze.
I'll do my best. ...--and I'm not going to dump everything that happened over the past few months into one post. No, I'll be breaking it up over the course of the next few days...so, I guess I'll just write until I think I've reached a decent stopping point.
On April 22nd, two days after my last post, I finally did go with Gar to check on Roy. So, that'd put six days between that day and the last time I saw him. Almost a week...admittedly it felt like a lot longer. It was ...frankly a bit embarrassing, showing up on Dinah's doorstep at last. I don't know if she really thought anything of it, but hopefully she couldn't see the heat I felt rush to my face.
Seeing Roy again was another flood of that entirely.
He was sitting on the couch watching TV when we walked in. The moment he saw me, it was like his blood went cold. And not in fearful way as the phrase usually describes...in a hostile way. I could see it flash through his eyes clear as crystal. ....we were off to a good start.
Gar did almost all the talking. He dragged me into the living room and sat me down in the arm chair, sitting himself on the coffee table that was both in front and between us. Then he started talking about his day and all the things he'd done, but, to be honest I ...kind of tuned him out. I was too busy trying to read Roy, or make eye contact with him or ...something. But he wouldn't look away from the TV. Wouldn't acknowledge us. It was all I could do to keep from fidgeting with something. I don't know HOW Gar just barrels through the awkwardness and tension, but he does it well. I'd never realized how jealous of that I was until this moment.
We got through the visit. I didn't say anything and Roy didn't say anything. I think Dinah just kind of loomed around the kitchen for most of the time, but, I knew she was eavesdropping. ...who wouldn't be? ... but. It finally got to late enough for us to leave and I guess Gar ran out of stories. ...amazing, I know. Um.
The car ride home was silent for a long time. For a while all I could think about was how relieved I was to be free of that room, that tension and the soup-thick awkwardness of it all. ...I didn't notice until I had to take a right turn that Gar had been giving me an unusual steady stare...
I asked him what it was and he bluntly stated that I never apologized. It took a moment for the sentence to register before I was able to stutter out a short "...so?". Probably shouldn't have said that.
He just shook his head and looked away from me. Almost immediately, that tension from before returned and the rest of the drive home was a complete deja vu from the afternoon six days ago. We got back to the mansion and went our separate ways.
The next few days didn't go much differently. We'd show up and Roy'd be about as lively as a corpse. But almost a week later, we ...found out a good chunk of the reason why.
...and I hate to be a tease about that, but, I think this entry's gone long enough. I'll fill you in tomorrow.
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