Rain

So I'm going to go ahead and put it on the table--if you haven't figured it out already--that I'm not very good with people.

The next several days were possibly some of the most awkward and uncomfortable days I've ever experienced. Have you ever tried holding a conversation when you have absolutely no idea what to talk about? Yeah. Pretty freaking awkward.

May 3rd was terrible. Gar talked for the first half of the day and then suddenly looked at me after he finished his third story. It took a good several seconds for me to realize that he wanted me to take a turn talking for once. To make things worse, I caught Roy peering at me through the corner of his eyes when I stammered for something to talk about. I decided to take Gar's route and try talking about what I did earlier that day. ....God, I hated it.

The next day wasn't much better. Gar, once again, more or less forced me to get involved in the story-telling and I tried talking about some of the new horses we have at the barn...which, was a little easier if not just because I could drone on and on about my horses for hours, regardless if anyone's honestly listening to me or not. ...however...

By the 7th, the end of the week, Dinah said she wanted to spend some time with Roy on Saturday. That maybe getting him out of the apartment for a while would ease the withdrawl symptoms. So we didn't visit. Instead, I wound up doing some extra work with Cyborg in the Titans West Tower to make sure the new additions to the security systems were up and running. And that's when he showed up.

I was carrying some various hardware to the computer when out of the usual blue, Wally's suddenly all of 4 inches from my face asking me what I'm doing. Despite that I should be used to this by now, I still sprang backwards, just about tripped on my cape and full-on landed on the hardware boxes...if he hadn't caught me. The save came with a complementary eyebrow waggle and wide grin...cocky speedsters.

After he'd gotten his answer from me, he followed me down the hall and surprisingly didn't beat around the bush about his next question. He wanted to know if I had seen Roy recently. He hadn't spoken to him for a long time and Roy wasn't answering his phone and he was getting really worried, because none of their other friends had seen high or tail of him, either. I didn't really know what to say, because I was pretty sure Roy didn't want...anyone else knowing about what was going on. But Wally deserved some kind of solid, truthful answer...they were close friends from what I had always observed.

I told him yes, I knew where Roy was, but I couldn't tell him. That he was going through a rough patch and wanted to be left alone...but that he was safe and hopefully would be back soon. This, understandably, worried Wally...but thankfully he seemed to accept what I'd said. ...he probably understands Roy better than I do and knows this might be normal behavior for him? I don't know.

Either way, he made me promise to tell Roy he was sorry for whatever was going on and that he misses him and hopes he gets through it. And that he has his number if he needs another person to talk to.

...the next day, I repeated the it to Roy just before Gar and I left. He didn't react at first, but...midway through redelivering the message, he looked at me. Maybe I was just seeing things or looking too hard for something, but...I could have sworn I saw his eyes cloud slightly. I waited for him to respond with something snarky like he usually does when I try talking to him, but he just sort of nodded and stood up, teetering into the hall.

...I couldn't stop thinking about it. Had I just made things worse, again? ...crap.