Scattered Showers

Sorry about the delay in updates. Gar somehow managed to drop my laptop down the stairs....I think he was trying to use it to show Wally something. But let's get back to where I was. This entry's going to be a bit lengthier than usual on account I ...well, want to get caught up to current day. Plain and simple. --I'm still not going to dump everything at once on you, but the blogs will be longer than usual.

When we returned on the 9th of May, something was definitely...different. On the surface it didn't seem so, but. It was. Roy still didn't look at us much when we spoke to him. He still seemed to be feeling completely miserable. But. On top of that physical misery, I could see something else in him. ...through the 9th and the 10th, I could tell he wasn't really listening to us--like usual--but...he was still processing something...and whatever it was, it was keeping him completely silent. It was like he had shut down again, save for whatever kept running through his mind. I pulled Dinah aside just before Gar and I left one day and asked her how he's been while we're not there. She said he's been very, very moody...most of which, obviously, are negative emotions. Ranging from an easier-than-usual triggered temper to moments when he'll lock himself in his room for hours on end to keep anyone from seeing him. She assured me that she checked his room regularly for any hidden heroin, but he's been clean since we found the last stash. The withdrawl's just been especially hard on him...it had, after all, been just over two weeks since his last dosage. And on top of that, now there's whatever's been going through his head.

On the 13th, my curiosity and...honest growing concern got the best of me. Gar and I were wrapping up our talk-fest, which...surprisingly had gotten easier...and I found myself asking Gar to go ahead and get the car from the parking lot and drive it to the front of the complex. I'd be down in a second. He looked confused for a second but took the keys and left without question. Once the door was closed behind him, I turned back to the couch. Roy hadn't moved from his position yet and he still looked completely lost in his thoughts. It took a few seconds for my legs to listen to my brain, but, I got myself to slowly walk to the place behind the couch just behind him. It took another few seconds to actually speak up, but, I managed that, too. I asked him if he was doing alright, considering he hadn't insulted me in the past three days. He didn't say anything, just kind of looked at me from the corner of his eye. Then looked away. Most of me wanted to just accept that he wasn't going to talk and just walk away and go home...but I found myself doing quite the opposite. Instead, I told him that I was just asking because I was concerned. When he didn't budge or answer again, I felt a sinking feeling that I really had messed things up the other day when I mentioned Wally to him. Maybe he'd felt pressured or exposed when I threw in what Wally had said about calling him. Crap. Without really thinking, I apologized for ever bringing Wally up to him and turned to leave.

"...I called Wally."

I froze in my tracks, hand almost on the doorknob. ....I hadn't expected him to speak up at all, let alone say...that...

"...you did?" I asked, turning my head a little to look back at him. He didn't move for a few seconds, but then nodded slowly. I allowed myself to turn all the way back around, sliding my hand away from the knob. "..and?"

"I let him know I was alright."

"Oh. ...That's good..."

And cue awkward silence. He went quiet again and I debated whether or not to press for more. "...he's really worried about you, you know."

He ducked his head, but didn't say anything. So I went on. "...are you really alright, though, Roy? ...you've looked really...spaced out the past few days."

"Yeah, I'm fucking fantastic."

"...sorry, I just--"

"You know, Raven," he stood up suddenly, turning to face me and managing to stop himself from wobbling at the quick movement. "A month ago, you didn't give a rat's ass if I was 'alright'. And I wouldn't be surprised if you still don't now--you're just doing your 'occupational duty'."

"What--no! I--"

"Just go already." He threw an arm out and quickly moved towards the back hall. "I'm done."

...to be honest, I found myself glued to the spot for nearly a minute. I wasn't sure what to say or how, exactly, to react to him. There was a part of me that wanted to march after him and correct him, but by now I had learned that that got me nowhere but in a deeper hole. So, instead, I just swallowed that down and forced myself out the door and down the apartment stairs. Gar had the car pulled up and was sitting in the passenger's seat with a grinning face, that, I unfortunately sank the moment he saw me stomping down the stairs.

Upon getting home, I did something I probably should have done weeks ago.

I found Alfred and pulled him away from cleaning the library to talk to him. It took some work, but I managed to generalize the situation enough but keep it specific so I'd hopefully get some form of a solution out of it. If that makes any sense. I explained to him that someone I knew was struggling with a drug addiction and no matter what I try, it doesn't seem to be getting anywhere. He asked me if I had tried researching the drug responsible ...and I felt like an idiot when I responded with a few slow blinks and a shake of my head. He simply smiled, patted my hand and offered to make me a cup of tea before leaving the room. ...and I immediately traced my steps back to the library.

...I've got to find a way to catch up. It's already October 3rd and I'm still telling you guys what happened back in May. I'm going to try to keep updating regularly, but, Gotham gets a bit ...crazy. Crazier. This time of year. Just try guessing why.