For starters, the obvious: Roy.
Swear to Hera, he is impossible. Some part of me wishes I could get into his brain to attempt understanding where he is coming from, but the rest of me honestly wonders why I'm wasting my time, energy and emotions on him. Because, I really don't have enough of that to go around right now. At all. I'm sick of the media still crawling around Jason's death. I'm sick of the drama going around the various Titans Towers. And I'm sick of his ungrateful, cynical attitude towards Gar and myself for pulling his butt off the streets and getting him to someone who cares.
And what's worse? I feel like I'm having to keep this from Bruce. He doesn't like Harper enough as it is, either...and I don't know. He hasn't asked. I haven't told him. ...end of story, really. Though, as usual, I get the feeling he already sort of knows. He is friends with Oliver, after all.
But because of all this mess, I completely forgot about Alfred's birthday. I felt terrible--feel terrible--about coming back to the manor on Friday and walking right past him with hardly a "Hi, Alfred" and not realizing it until he had sent me off to work with my coffee and a homemade breakfast the next morning. I just.... I couldn't apologize to him enough. He, of course, told me not to worry and understood that I "have a lot weighing on my shoulders for a girl my age", but...really. I shouldn't have forgotten your birthday, Al. I don't have an excuse.
..anyway, Roy's road to recovery isn't exactly going well. Dinah says he won't talk to her, won't tell her what caused him to start using heroin. Typical.
When I try talking to him, we almost always wind up fighting. Stating the obvious, neither of us WANT to talk to each other to begin with, so...things are already hostile the moment I open my mouth. When Gar tries talking to him, he just starts to ignore him. I keep finding myself annoyed that Gar keeps talking anyway...--not annoyed at Gar, annoyed that Roy's completely blowing him off. Roy can chew me out, ignore me all he wants, but, Gar wants to see you get better almost more than Dinah does, Harper.
...although, I guess to Harper's 'credit', breaking away from heroin isn't exactly a walk in the park. He's been throwing up a lot, suffering headaches and just body-aches in general. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. And just...a lot of other crap. I've researched the everliving daylights out of heroin withdrawal to try leveling with what his body's going through, but, I still just...can't bring myself to being emotionally at level with him. I AM trying, I swear, but...ugh, we always end up arguing and storming away from each other. And two days ago, it didn't go well at all because apparently he had more hidden and Dinah caught him with it. Conveniently after Gar and I had just gotten there.
I probably shouldn't have yelled at him. I keep thinking back on it and feeling bad, but...just... why doesn't he understand that we're trying to help him? We're trying to save him. I don't get why he doesn't just...
I don't know. I give up for the night.
We double-checked him and all his stuff and now he's 100% clean. And because of that, withdrawal's going to be all the more fun since he's been 'refreshing' himself up until now.
Ooh, happy-day.
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